Wether its from growing apart or ending on bad terms, losing a friend pulls all of your heart strings in multiple directions. It. Hurts. Like. Hell. Unfortunately, it happens to all of us but this also means that you’re not alone.
You guys already know that I write my serious blog posts based off of my own experiences. I’ve had the classic bittersweet ending of growing apart but I’ve also experienced the painful, complicated, petty ending. I’m not going to go into detail because me and my old friends have both grown from our experience and I HATE throwing shade. So there is no tea, no shade, I just want to help my internet bestie’s through a friendship break up. But trust me when I say that I’ve been through it too. I want to use my experiences to share with you all How to Deal with Losing a Friend.
First understand that it’s going to hurt. To quote Taylor Swift from her song “Breathe” “it’s never simple, never easy. Never a clean break…”. This is really sad…but also so true. Even if you guys just grew apart, not having that person in your life as much as they used to be hurts. I hate to be a Debby downer, but I don’t want to go into this blog post acting like you shouldn’t be hurting and feeling a lot of different emotions. It’s normal.
Second, after having a day or two to be sad, listen to Taylor swift, and eat your body weight in junk food. The next thing you want to do is ask yourself this question, “What did this friendship teach me?” instead of the thousands of ‘whys?” and “what ifs” you’re going to want to think about.
“What did this friendship teach me?”
Did your friend teach you how to be more care free? Did you friend teach you to open up more? Or did they teach you that being popular isn’t glamorous, or that you deserve to be treated better?
It taught you something. Everything happens for a reason. It ended for a reason but it also happened for a reason. Don’t focus all of your energy on why it ended, instead focus on why it happened. Why did this person come into your life. What was their purpose to you? Maybe their purpose was to break your heart so you can learn how to put yourself back together and become stronger.
To be cliche, life is like a book. It wouldn’t be interesting without a heartbreak or conflict. But you don’t want the rest of your book to be hung up over a friendship that ended. You want to create character development and later on introduce new characters. Keep things interesting and fresh in your story. This leads me into my next and most important tip. Don’t hold a grudge. I was listening to the “What We Said” podcast and Jaci and Chelsey mentioned two quotes that really resinated with me and I wanted to share them with you all. The first one is “holding a grudge is like drinking the glass of poison and hoping it kills the other person”. The second quote is “the true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.” These quotes give me chills they are that good. It’s important for you to take care of yourself and your mental well being by keeping the situation as positive as you can. Even if the friendship ended badly smile at them in the hallway, go to the party they might be at, be civil. This situation most likely hurt both of you, even if they don’t show it. Don’t show how it affected you to them.
My last tip is to write it out. When I’m feeling an immense amount of emotions (good or bad) my favorite thing is to write a free verse poem. They can be short or long and they are so easy to write because you make the rules. You can also be as creative as you want. Make someone a villain or monster, exaggerate the situation. DO NOT go and write on twitter, trust me, it’s not worth it. Been there, done that. It only feeds the fire. Below I’m going to share a poem I wrote about an ending friendship, I made this one very very dramatic because that’s how I like to write so don’t take it too seriously!
Down My Spine
Down my spine ran the blood.
Dripping slowly from the knife you put there.
But as I bled out
I didn’t feel like I was dying.
Instead, I felt like I was coming back to life
after being dead for so long.
It was no longer blood
seeping from my wound.
It was your venom
leaving my veins and turning me
…I warned you that it was going to be a bit dramatic, but “vampire” characters are my favorite ones to write (if you’re read How to Read Literature Like a Professor, then you know exactly what I’m talking about). This poem wasn’t written after a dramatic friendship ending (I was just a very inspired writer that day) but I hope you see how it can relieve your pain. Make your ex-friend an evil, back stabbing vampire if you have to, it’s a good way to get that “I want to punch a wall or someone in the face” feeling out . It feels good. Another good way to get out built up aggression is to take a drive (a safe one) and belt lyrics to a song like “So What” by Pink or “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” by Taylor swift.
I know I said the tip above was my last one but I have one more for you. Say you love them. Not to their face but just say it to yourself, “even though we aren’t friends anymore, I still have love for them and I hope they are happy and doing well”. It makes you so strong to be able to say this. It shows that you’re not holding a grudge and it also shows that they can never ever say you “hate them”. If you smile at them in the hall, or have small talk at a party, it makes you the bigger and better person.
I love you all so much and I hope this blog post has helped some of you go through a hard time. Remember that you are all my besties and if you ever want to message me and chat about anything my instagram dm’s are always open (@martabean).
Remember to always love who you are <3
xoxo, marta bean.